Comment Wall for Here Come the Floods

 Storybook Link: Here Come the Floods



    I have always been a science person so writing is definitely not my forte. Nevertheless, I do rather enjoy writing on occasion and feedback is always helpful when I find myself trying to write a narrative.

Comments

  1. Hey Lanney,
    I really love the introduction of the Great Wave as your banner image! It is one of my favorite pieces of art and is perfect for the framing narrative you begin the story book with! Visually, the page is very appealing and easy to read (a point that is often underappreciated in online formats)! Personally, I love how you mixed some science in with the mythos in the introductions page; it added a nice touch of realism to the entire page. One question I did have is how old these students are? When I started reading, I had the impression they were in middle school, or near that age, but as I read I began to grow confused as they would certainly have to be much older than that for an excursion out of the country to a foreign land. That is one thing I would definitely like to see explained. One other question I had is what the picture at the bottom of the introduction page it supposed to be exactly? The wall of the old building which predates the islanders, is what I would guess, but it doesn't seem to fit well into the narrative of the island flooding when we see a wall instead of stormy skies. Overall, I loved the story and plan on keeping up with it as the semester progresses! Keep it up!

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  2. Hello Laney!
    I really liked your set up for this story! I would also check out sizing for the banner image, such as "large banner" -this might help with seeing more of the picture! I was really pulled into the short glimpse into the stories you are going to write in your introduction. I like that you focus on natural disasters instead of the journey of a character, but rather the journey these multiple characters go on. My questions would be more geared towards who Raj is and his significance in the sotry? i think it would be interesting to know more about him to see how he ties with all the rest of the stories you will write, or even his reactions to the stories being told. This might make your story relatable to the reader! My favorite line was definitely the last one where they kind of have to deal with the flood and sit back and listen to the stories the chief is about to tell. I think it really drew me into wanting to hear more from this perspective.

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  3. Hi Lanney!

    I thought your storybook concept was so interesting! I didn't really think about how many different flood myths there were and I certainly did not think there were enough for a storybook about them! I guess I just never realized the importance to floods to many different cultures. I love that you used the wave image in your header as a good introduction to your storybook! I also like the title of your story "Here Come the Floods," I'm not sure if that is meant to be the antithesis to here comes the sun but I thought it was interesting to note, and I like the ring your title has to it. I also like how in your introduction you did a sort of story introduction to the main point in order to draw the viewer in and allow for them to see kind of how the story would be told. I wonder are you going to be covering different floods in different cultures stories? This is such an interesting topic! Can't wait to see more!

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  4. Howdy Lanney!
    Just to start things off, I think the basis for your story book is really cool! As an anthropology major, I've always found it interesting just how many cultures have a great flood somewhere in their origin story, and I can't wait to see which ones you choose to tell here. Moving on from there, I really like the way you split your introduction into an out-of-story and in-story intro, that way the reader gets both a more concise and matter-of-fact explanation of what the story book is about AND an intro to how it is going to be told. Speaking of the in-story intro, I absolutely love it! It reminds me of back in elementary school when our teachers would read stories to us while we were all huddled together in an interior room, sheltering from tornadoes. There's that little bit of underlying suspense, but for the most part, you just can't wait to hear the stories.

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  5. Hi Lanney,

    Your storybook is so interesting so far! I read the story of Deucalion and Pyrrha a while back, and it is so cool how you completely transformed the story into an modern apocalyptic nightmare. Please, don't worry about your writing skills. They're really good :) I genuinely feel like I'm reading a book. I like the details, imagery, and dialogue going on. They weave together flawlessly. One suggestion I have is to scan through and minimize similar, repeat-phrases. For example, in Duke & Peony, 'she was supposed to be home all day' was in one sentence and the sentence following it. I would suggest cutting that phrase from one of the two and leaving it cut or replacing it with a different way of saying it for extra emphasis :) One other comment is in the Introduction, the chief says he's going to tell 'a few stories.' Since it looks like the Duke & Peony story might be a continous story (which would be really cool!) then it would make more sense I think for the chief to say he's going to tell a singular story. Super good job Lanney! I like reading your work!

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  6. HI! First off, the title "Here Comes the Floods" left me very intrigued to see what was coming. An entire portfolio over flood stories? That's awesome, and I never would have thought about it.
    I really like how your story includes storytellers telling a story - it's like looking at a picture of someone drawing a picture. It adds literal layers. Adding characteristics to the storytellers, like how Kimmy likes to add romance, was a great clue. I would love to see more about that - why does she love telling stories? Does she get wrapped up in that world? Does she even enter the world of stories and experience it herself? That would be awesome. I hope to see where their first date and adventure leads them in the game - will there be a sequel? If the stories are continuous, it would be really helpful to add that into the intro so we know to go in order!

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  7. Hey Lanney,
    First off I wanted say I quite liked your introduction and I wouldn't be able to tell that writing isn't your forte. Another thing is your story Duke and Peony was really well written and I enjoyed your use of dialogue throughout the story. This week we are meant to focus on the design of our storybooks and portfolios. One thing I noticed with your story is you are already utilizing the collapsible text. I try to recommend that because its a neat place to hide your authors note and when people want to read it it'll pop down. One thing I may recommend if you have tried it with google sites are the clickable "buttons". You can add those to your home page and allow them to navigate to your different stories. last thing is you might try using different header images on your stories that way there's something new to see when I go from your intro to the story. Keep up the great work!

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  8. Hi Lanney! I have always been fascinated by flood myths and their prevalence in so many cultures. This is such a great idea for a storybook, and I enjoyed reading through yours! I think your take on Deucalion and Pyrrha is so well done, and you're a very good writer! I can't wait to read your final part, great job!

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  9. Hey Lanney!
    You had a nice introduction, I really liked the premise of the story with the students being stuck on an island known for floods and then telling a story about a flood. I didn't know there were so many flood stories, so I was excited to see what was in store. I didn't realize you could add a button to collapse the author's note, so it was a nice addition to find at the end of the story. It makes the page a little more streamlined. It was a little confusing to read about how her older sister had told her a story when she was younger, and then have her say it was a modern tale right after. I'm curious to see how the rest of the story plays out, as the flood setting is an interesting read. Adding something to the intro about how the stories are continuous would be helpful!

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  10. Wow! I really like the writing of this story. The strange feeling I felt when I read that the bathroom door had been intentionally locked really complemented the feeling of suspense after they found that letter that fell to the ground informing them of this mysterious game. That coupled with the ominous, ever present water really sets the mood of this tale.

    Splitting the characters up in the second chapter is a great way to add a lot of character development. I want to learn more about these characters. Will Omar and Paxton's relationship improve? I hope to find out in the next entry of your story book.

    I like how you're implementing the tales of these flood myths that span across different cultures and combining them into one modern retelling of them. It's such a creative idea. I'm definitely very interested in seeing how this concludes.

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  11. Hey Lanney!
    I loved the introduction showing the Great Wave! It is one of my favorite art pieces of all time! The only flood myth I'm familiar with is Noah's Ark so I had no idea there were so many! I really like how you create two character and have them be apart of all of your stories! I'm doing something similar but with creation! I also like the little contest that it all turned into! Nicely done and I look forward to reading more from you!

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  12. Hi Lanney,
    I like your modern retelling of the flood myths so far. It will be interesting to see where you go with it. In your author’s note for your second story, do you think you could explain more about how you adapted Omar and Paxton from the myth? Like, are they meant to represent the two leaders? Also, what myth are Gary and Izzy from? This is a small nitpick, but when Paxton introduces Omar, he does not say his name, but you have it in the narrative later. I think it might clear up any confusion by having him tell Duke and Peony his name after Paxton, so that we know for sure he is Omar, if that makes sense. Speaking of Duke and Peony, your author’s note on that section does a good job explaining their mythical origin. It sounds like a Post-Christianization myth, am I correct? Or at the very least, it sounds like the myth was altered to better comply with the Christian narrative, similar to the Ragnarok myth in the Prose Edda.

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  13. Hello Lanney,
    I was scanning the storybooks and when I saw yours I read it as "Here Comes the Flood, do do do" in my best Beatles voice haha. Which Beatle sang that? Anyways, great title! For your author's note, it might be good to mention the point of view you told the story in and why you wished to tell it from that point. Also, in "Duke and Peony" do you mean to have the ~~~ squiggles between every paragraph or just the first three? Also, check the page alignment. I enjoy how you switched up the header visuals in each story, and included great pictures in the second story! I like how your author's notes are separated from the main body of story and have a drop down option! Very clean. If you have time for a quick response... why are you interested in flood stories? Looking forward to story number 3. Take care!

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    Replies
    1. Honestly, I don't have much of a story behind why I chose floods. When I was browsing the story units in week 2, I remembered coming across Ovid's stories. I have actually translated a few of his stories myself for class, one of which was Deucalion and Pyrrha. Then I realized that flood stories were amazingly widespread across different cultures and I wanted to look more into that!

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  14. Hi Lanney,
    Good job with your storybook so far. I’m glad other people have been commenting on the title, because “Here Comes the Sun” has been playing in my head as I read! I took Latin in high school, so I really appreciate that you took your inspiration from Ovid and even included some Latin words in the Introduction. It’s cool also that the names Duke and Peony are derived from Deucalion and Pyrrha. I like the choice of banner image, although I was confused why the second story had a different banner photo. The other photos on each page do a great job of helping readers picture the setting. As some other commenters have mentioned, the intro didn’t seem to fit entirely with the rest of the stories. You might have changed your direction after you wrote the intro, so you might want to go back and edit it a bit. I liked reading about what myths will inspire your last story, and I’m very curious about the wolf pup! Great job.

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